Archive for August, 2012

It’s official, I’m old!   48 years old to be exact.  How did this happen?  When did this happen?  Can I make it stop?  I liked things much better about 20 years ago.  Things were much simpler, I looked and felt a hell-of a lot better than I do now.  I don’t have any health problems (thankfully), however, as overweight and out-of-shape as I am it’s only a matter of time if I keep on the path I’m on right now.

So on my 48th birthday, I’ve done some reflecting and decided it’s time for some changes.  (But I’m so comfortable with my old habits)!!  🙂   It won’t be easy, but that’s how growth happens, right?  All good things come to those who wait.  haha!  I just typed that at 90 words per minute, by-the-way.  That’s for any of you who remember typing class.   Seriously, this has been one of the worst years of my life emotionally and it’s time to make some changes.  Here are a couple goals I’ve set for myself:

1.  Make time for me.  I can’t continue to be there and be everything for everyone else 24/7.  This is my life too and we ALL only get one shot at this.  I don’t want to be lying on my death bed thinking, “This has been a waste”.  I deserve to have a life too!!

2.  Make some dietary and exercise changes.  I need to quit skipping meals and eating shitty food when I do.  After all, I do work  in a grocery store and there is ALL KINDS OF FOOD to choose from.  Also, I need to get my fat ass up off the couch, chair, bed, etc. and get moving!!  I used to exercise, a lot!  Hell, my husband and I used to body build and I looked AWESOME!  Back-in-day, of course, thus me wanting to turn back the clock 20 years.  For some reason, I’ve been avoiding exercise like the plague.

3.  Repair some relationships in my life.  Mostly with myself, then with others.  Soon as I learn to forgive and love myself I can work on the others.  But that is another story . . .

So, here’s to another year gone and a bright future ahead.  Full of promise and anything I choose to make happen.


Here’s the cake my boys suprised me with today.  They are 13 and 14.

The card on the inside says:  “I wish that we could’ve gotten you a present, so we just cleaned up everything!  We hope that your birthday is filled with joy, weather at work or at home”.   God love them, obviously spelling is not their fortay!!

Thank you boys!!  🙂


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Hello World!!

Truth is:  I am fat.  Not just chunky, but according to my BMI, I’m officially obese.  I don’t want to be obese or fat or chunky.  I want to be where I was 18 years and four kids ago.  I’m not sure that is even possible at this point.  I would be happy to be 15 pounds heavier than I was 18 years ago.  That would put me at 150 pounds. That’s 85 pounds from where I am now.  YIKES!!

I’m not going to moan and go on about how I got here.  I know the answer to that; too much food, too much beer, (damn you WILD BLUE) and not enough exercise.  Somewhere between being a stay-at-home mom for 13 years, four kids, a husband, a house and a couple dogs, I lost myself.  I became everything to everyone else and became fat.   I took a part-time job as a cashier at a grocery store which quickly became full-time and now I find myself in a supervisory position of 50 people on the front end.  I love my job.  It is very stressful and busy and chaotic.  (Much like my home life).  The people I supervise are a mixture of “adults” and “kids”.  I find myself being a mom at work too.  (Just can’t take the mom out of me, I guess).

However, I need to find a balance between the chaos of four teenagers, (plus the husband, the house and the dogs) and my work life.  I need to find time for me.  I need to find me first though.  I’m hoping that through chronicling my misadventures I’m able to find me and grow into the person that my children and husband (and my “kids” at work) can look up to and say, “Hey, you’re a great lady, I like being with you, my life is better with you in it.  Thank you for being you”.

The Real Truth is:  I’m unhappy where I am right now.  This is definitely not the life I envisioned for myself as I set out on my own at 18 years of age.  I’m not sure I would change things, well maybe, a couple, but overall, I would do it again with a few changes here and there.  We’ve all made bad choices, but those poor choices are what make us who we are and hopefully we learn from them.  Some mistakes we so good, I just had to make them more than once to learn my lesson.  (think $$$ choices.  I was never very good with $$$, but I’m getting better).  I’ve made mistakes as a mom.  I’ve made mistakes as a wife.  But I’m trying to make amends with everyone, I mean myself.  I need to forgive myself and face some truths.  It’s a process I look forward to as well as fear.  It’s going to take courage and strength and endurance.

So, with my first post, I christen this blog and my journey of self-discovery.  It will probably get ugly and from the ashes of my wasted soul, I hope to emerge a happier (and skinnier) person that has a lot to offer this world.

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