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Wow!  Has it really been since August 30 when I last posted?  Well, I guess you can bet what the title of my post means today.

Commitments and keeping your word.  Um, yeah,  obviously, I’m not real good with either one, especially to myself.  Lets see, when I last wrote, I was full of all kinds of promises.  I’m going to start this blog and record all my thoughts and feelings, I was going to take pictures and post about my accomplishments in the kitchen, I was going to lose weight.  Yeah, that last one was the big one.  I was ready to start my diet and really stick to it.

So what makes one person keep their word and another not to?  I did a little research online and an article from “Psychology Today” says this (it’s kind of geared toward addicts, but I think it could work in any situation really).  Here are the 10 things they think may lead to going back on your word:

1.  Failure to development new support system, failure to develop new and healthy relationships.  I think a lot of new blogs probably don’t make it, because lets face it, no one is really reading your blog when you start out.  It’s hard to be excited about something when no one is interested in what you’re doing.  I really admire bloggers out there that started with nothing and just kept with it until you found their voice and their audience.

2.  Lack of accountability.  If no one is counting on you then why would you need to put yourself out there?

3.  Maintaining a relationship with another like minded individual.  The first two rules or excuses apply here.

4.  Trading addictions.  Example; trading drinking for eating and so on.  Maybe this one doesn’t apply too much to blogging, however, it can become another form of addiction.  Look at Twitter.  How many people out there feel the need to post every little thought in their head at any given time of the day.  Personally, I don’t have time to share my every thought throughout the day.  Besides, it is really all that interesting?  Probably not.  lol

5.  Lack of self care or physical activity.

6.  Thrill seeking activity to replace the “high”  Trying to mood alter.  When I started this, I was trying to mood alter.  I was hoping to banish some of my own demons and use this blog as a sort of cathartic piece.  It may still develop into that, we shall have to see . . .

7.  Dishonesty in any area of life.  Yeah, kind of hard to keep up the lie, I guess.  This would definitely apply to other areas of life, not necessarily blogging.  However, I’m sure someone clever could make that work.

8.  Failure to have a relapse plan when faced with a strong desire to repeat your bad habit.  This is a biggie!  This can apply to every. single. area. of life.  We all need relapse plans, we all need a Plan B.   Sure as shit, Plan A rarely works as anticipated.  I need to work on this one immediately!!!

9.  Self-deception.  Lying to yourself and saying, “Just this one time”.  We all know how that sort of self talk snowballs.

10.  Failure to develop meaningful life goals.  Huge piece of advice.  Goals are what get us up each morning.  However, we need to have that support system in place to help us through the hard times.

This article was written by a Dr. Mark Goulston.  Obviously, he was writing this in specific regard to addicts, but you can see that is crosses over to other applications as well.  And I’ve added my own opinions in how they relate to me after each point.  You know what they say, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one!  lol  Take my opinions for what their worth to you.

 

So here I sit again with a promise (mostly to myself since I have no followers and still haven’t really found my voice and direction on what I want this blog to really be).  So, as of today, I’m committing myself to weight loss, (GOD, I really need to lose weight!!!) and keeping up on this blog and giving myself the chance to see what this can be.  Who knows, it may turn into something very fulfilling to me.  Many others have done it, I can too!

 

 

 

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It’s official, I’m old!   48 years old to be exact.  How did this happen?  When did this happen?  Can I make it stop?  I liked things much better about 20 years ago.  Things were much simpler, I looked and felt a hell-of a lot better than I do now.  I don’t have any health problems (thankfully), however, as overweight and out-of-shape as I am it’s only a matter of time if I keep on the path I’m on right now.

So on my 48th birthday, I’ve done some reflecting and decided it’s time for some changes.  (But I’m so comfortable with my old habits)!!  🙂   It won’t be easy, but that’s how growth happens, right?  All good things come to those who wait.  haha!  I just typed that at 90 words per minute, by-the-way.  That’s for any of you who remember typing class.   Seriously, this has been one of the worst years of my life emotionally and it’s time to make some changes.  Here are a couple goals I’ve set for myself:

1.  Make time for me.  I can’t continue to be there and be everything for everyone else 24/7.  This is my life too and we ALL only get one shot at this.  I don’t want to be lying on my death bed thinking, “This has been a waste”.  I deserve to have a life too!!

2.  Make some dietary and exercise changes.  I need to quit skipping meals and eating shitty food when I do.  After all, I do work  in a grocery store and there is ALL KINDS OF FOOD to choose from.  Also, I need to get my fat ass up off the couch, chair, bed, etc. and get moving!!  I used to exercise, a lot!  Hell, my husband and I used to body build and I looked AWESOME!  Back-in-day, of course, thus me wanting to turn back the clock 20 years.  For some reason, I’ve been avoiding exercise like the plague.

3.  Repair some relationships in my life.  Mostly with myself, then with others.  Soon as I learn to forgive and love myself I can work on the others.  But that is another story . . .

So, here’s to another year gone and a bright future ahead.  Full of promise and anything I choose to make happen.

Image

Here’s the cake my boys suprised me with today.  They are 13 and 14.

The card on the inside says:  “I wish that we could’ve gotten you a present, so we just cleaned up everything!  We hope that your birthday is filled with joy, weather at work or at home”.   God love them, obviously spelling is not their fortay!!

Thank you boys!!  🙂

The Boys

Hello World!!

Truth is:  I am fat.  Not just chunky, but according to my BMI, I’m officially obese.  I don’t want to be obese or fat or chunky.  I want to be where I was 18 years and four kids ago.  I’m not sure that is even possible at this point.  I would be happy to be 15 pounds heavier than I was 18 years ago.  That would put me at 150 pounds. That’s 85 pounds from where I am now.  YIKES!!

I’m not going to moan and go on about how I got here.  I know the answer to that; too much food, too much beer, (damn you WILD BLUE) and not enough exercise.  Somewhere between being a stay-at-home mom for 13 years, four kids, a husband, a house and a couple dogs, I lost myself.  I became everything to everyone else and became fat.   I took a part-time job as a cashier at a grocery store which quickly became full-time and now I find myself in a supervisory position of 50 people on the front end.  I love my job.  It is very stressful and busy and chaotic.  (Much like my home life).  The people I supervise are a mixture of “adults” and “kids”.  I find myself being a mom at work too.  (Just can’t take the mom out of me, I guess).

However, I need to find a balance between the chaos of four teenagers, (plus the husband, the house and the dogs) and my work life.  I need to find time for me.  I need to find me first though.  I’m hoping that through chronicling my misadventures I’m able to find me and grow into the person that my children and husband (and my “kids” at work) can look up to and say, “Hey, you’re a great lady, I like being with you, my life is better with you in it.  Thank you for being you”.

The Real Truth is:  I’m unhappy where I am right now.  This is definitely not the life I envisioned for myself as I set out on my own at 18 years of age.  I’m not sure I would change things, well maybe, a couple, but overall, I would do it again with a few changes here and there.  We’ve all made bad choices, but those poor choices are what make us who we are and hopefully we learn from them.  Some mistakes we so good, I just had to make them more than once to learn my lesson.  (think $$$ choices.  I was never very good with $$$, but I’m getting better).  I’ve made mistakes as a mom.  I’ve made mistakes as a wife.  But I’m trying to make amends with everyone, I mean myself.  I need to forgive myself and face some truths.  It’s a process I look forward to as well as fear.  It’s going to take courage and strength and endurance.

So, with my first post, I christen this blog and my journey of self-discovery.  It will probably get ugly and from the ashes of my wasted soul, I hope to emerge a happier (and skinnier) person that has a lot to offer this world.